It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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