Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
