That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
