We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
