i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
