i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
