i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
