id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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