I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
