I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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