I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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