She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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