So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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