What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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