you win again, gameday.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
