i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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