Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
