those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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