I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
