I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
