Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
