he shaved USA in his pubs
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize