Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
