she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
