you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
false alarm. still invincible.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
