You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I need a burrito and a hug.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize