Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
