ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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