I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
