Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
