So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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