I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You left your phone here
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