Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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