its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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