My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
