why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
