TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
