Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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