She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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