Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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