Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Even my vagina gasped.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
