when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
