I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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