Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
