Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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