Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
