I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
