He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
