I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize