come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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