Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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