As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
