I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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