Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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