You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
