i think i have two assholes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
