Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
