yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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