Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
