I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
