As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
