Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
