can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
