I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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