You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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