I wish I could teleport
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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