Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
